As we wave goodbye to the baby and say hello to the toddler I’ve been reflecting and want to share some of the struggles I have had, so if you are going through any of the below, you know you’re not alone.
• I was going to have a home birth with candles and whale music bobbing around in a pool, I ended up with forceps and a ripped vagina. I still think about the trauma of his birth now.
• Breast feeding was going to be magic and so easy, we battled for months with tongue tie, bleeding nipples and terrifying disclaimers from formula companies until I gave in and gave him bottle, feeling like a terrible mother.
•The perfect routine is not real and does not work ALL the time, we have had screaming, co sleeping, hand holding to sleep and been awake every hour through the night. And the constant internal struggle between having a life and getting the naps in.
•We walk into a room on a weekly basis full of strangers, breathing deeply, striding through wobbly knees and fuzzy anxiety vision becauseI want to do it for my baby. Then he cries all the way through the class. Or falls asleep.
•Fighting to recover some sort of relationship with my body, both internally (fitness) and externally (saggy boobs).
•Trying to live up to the impossible expectations set out by social media. Perfect parents who look perfect with their perfect children. I’m not bitter, because it’s not real. It’s taken me a while to realise this.
•Every day when we put you to bed I go away thinking I could have done better? should I have played with you more? have you spent to much time in the car? Are you happy?
- Weaning was an actual nightmare, now I realise it’s because he wasn’t ready (and had no teeth), but I now the pipe dream of organic homemade purée and him getting ten portions of fruit a day is unachievable. There is so much conflicting advice it didn’t go to plan until I followed my gut.
- The beautiful house I spent my pregnancy prepping within an inch of its life is taken over with plastic monstrosities that he loves. So they have to stay.
And now, as he is on the brink of turning one and waving goodbye to babyhood, despite all the bleeding nipples and sleepless nights, this has been the best year of my life.
So Mumma, you’re doing amazingly, try not to compare yourself to others and don’t make judgements to appease yourself. We’re all in the same boat, you are not alone, we are all taking on the journey one day at a time. With all the eye cream and coffee we can find.
And now for the next chapter- going back to work, how hard can it be?
Thanks for reading, and I hope that it’s made you feel less alone. ❤️